Protect the Pachyderms
The Organization Despairing Over Republicans – or ODOR – has announced a campaign to end the affiliation of elephants as the image for the Republican Party. In a press release issued this week, the group said that elephants have been slandered for too long, and the party should find another symbol.
Elephants, the group said, are great animals. They are known for the hard work and their ability to carry heavy loads. Elephants have a long history on two continents for their power and wisdom. They have been revered, even worshipped, for thousands of years. For Hindus, elephants are the "bearers and keepers of the universe."
In their press release, the elephant supporters said it was appropriate for them to be the symbol of the party of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt, and most of them liked Ike, but over the past three decades, the quality of their ostensible standard bearers had declined significantly and Republicans no longer had a right to such a great icon.
"The issue," ODOR said in their statement, "is that the Republican image has been besmirched by the fear-mongering anti-intellectuals who control the party. Elephants have always been the can-do, trail-blazing masters of the jungle, but the Republicans of today are intransigent, just-say-no degraders of hope and purpose."
The press release noted that the Democratic Party was properly represented by the ass, and suggested that Republicans should apply for an icon that more closely reflected their politics. At a news conference, ODOR’s president said that Republicans might consider the hyena or the jackal, though they should ask permission from those creatures before they adopted their image.
Acknowledging that there are still a number of Republicans who are honest and noble, the ODOR leader said they, too, had been sullied just as the elephants by the likes of Palin, Pawlenty, Romney, and Cheney, and he said they should probably form a new party with the few remaining quality Democrats.
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