The Federal Couch
The Association for Simplistic Solutions has announced plans to offer free counseling for the United States Congress. At a press conference last week, the Washington chapter of ASS said it would provide training for our elected representatives for the purpose of getting themselves off their useless butts.
Declaring that her group knew whereof they spoke when it came to sitting around doing nothing but arguing, chapter president Bambi Noseeum said it was time for the members of Congress to stop arguing and start making a difference. She said that if the Congress didn’t go along with their plan, they’d start boiling the tar and plucking the fowl.
"The problem with Congress is that they aren’t focused on their job, which is to get our country back on track, to make America the world leader, shining by example," said Ms. Noseeum, who addressed the media lying down on couch, symbolic of the importance of therapy.
"These men and women on Capitol Hill need to start working on their interpersonal skills. That means less sniping and more collaborating," insisted the chief ASS therapist. She went on to say that she thought they would function better if they got rid of their party designations and simply were known for their accomplishments.
The offer was immediately pooh-pooh’d by the Republican leadership which claimed that Congress was essentially a party animal and no one wanted to give up their affiliation for fear of making the wrong friends. A press release by the Democrats said that they would have to think on the proposal, faced as they were with some 300 different opinions on the matter.
At the White House, Rahm Emanuel interrupted the morning press briefing, shouting that the Congress was all flippin’ neurotic and the president would no longer have anything to do with them.
John Roberts, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, went live on CourtTV to say that his feelings had been hurt.
This was not the first kick in the ass for the organization. Apparently every group they’ve approached prefers to argue, and fail.
©2010 SetonnoteS
.